Deployments SUCK and they suck so much I want to say it twice - DEPLOYMENTS SUCK!

I seriously want to wear a T-Shirt that says Deployments SUCK on the front and Sexually Deprived for your Freedom on the back , but I dont have the nerve. 'Cause see, thats the thing, I dont wear my true feelings on my sleeve (or shirt, for that matter) for everyone to see. I put on the 'happy chappy' face (phrase compliments of my Brit friend Sarah) and move through my day. Hence this blog.... because I am about to explode with all the emotions I am keeping inside and in true 'Suck-It-Up-Buttercup' Army wife style, I need an outlet and this is it. This is supposed to be a therapeutic blog, for my sanity mostly, but if you can relate or just get a chuckle, then its aalllll goooood! ASK ME TOMORROW PLEEZE is so named because I am such a basketcase on the inside and it totally depends on the day, and the way I am feeling as to what I can handle... so please, ask me tomorrow, cause you just.never.know.

Let me explain a few things.... First and foremost, I am not a writer. Not.even.close. In fact, I dont enjoy writing at all! It is torturous for me because when I write something, I read it, rewrite it, read it again, reword and then do that over and over (perfectionist much?).... so the constant editing and reediting makes me C-R-A-Z-Y! And that is not helpful, if the sole purpose of this blog is to help keep me sane! So, I pledge to you and to me, to write this as a stream of consciousness and not constantly 'perfectionize' each 'bleeping' sentence. I cant promise this will be daily, especially if it takes me 2 hours to write a paragraph..... someone has to play with my children!

I am also secretly hoping that by spilling my guts on paper (so to speak) I will release my nervous energy and help my stress habits of picking my fingernails and clenching my jaw! Think it will happen? I seriously doubt it. But there is always hope.

And be prepared. I anticipate that as my 'walls' come down, my potty mouth will emerge. Since these days, its just me and 2 young children, I need a place where I can just let.it.rip! So, dont say I didnt warn you..... Fluckity-Fluck-Fluck!

Therapeutic. Cathartic. Real. Embarrassing. Funny (hopefully). So swing back by, check it out, bring a cup of coffee, or a beverage of the alcoholic kind, and enjoy!

Some blog tidbits might include things like, IS IT JUST ME? or CONFESSION OF THE DAY or TODAY I CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON _____, AND MY THANKS TO....., in case I need something to help get me started on a particular day. Please feel free to email or comment with your own tidbit confessions, things you're focusing on, thanks to etc etc -- would love to hear that I am not the only crazy-cakes out there!


IS IT JUST ME?
I personally CAN.NOT.STAND having to decipher the little word verification puzzles that are all italicized and smooshed together when you are trying to signup for or purchase something.. I almost couldnt start this blog bc I couldnt figure out the damn word! It makes me feel so damn stupid. And to make matters worse, they just keep taunting me by generating more words, even more difficult to figure out than the first-- UGH! Someone, please, make something simple for me today... pleeeeze!

CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
This is embarrassing but I will admit it..... we have not left the house or gotten out of our pajamas. all day. There. I said it. Sounds like heaven right?!? It is and it isnt. Its awesome bc we didnt have to run out of the house with our pants-on-fire, but a the same time, I feel so guilty and cant enjoy the down day. Mostly bc I am on the verge of a mild depression and just want to crawl in my bed and not leave for a week. I do consider the fact that I did not cry in front of my children today a mild achievement. (post R&R, abbreviated grief cycle in depression... so that means acceptance is in the horizon -- woohoo!). Oh and I almost forgot, my oldest child has spent unknown hours on the Wii and it is 80 and beautiful outside.....but he is safe, and fed and entertained - so that's what matters, right?!?

YOU KNOW YOU ARE HAVING A ROUGH DAY WHEN..... your lovely, thoughtful and amazing husband sends you mothers day flowers.... that were intended to be delivered yesterday, but learned of 'surprise that didnt happen' via email from said husband and then have to spend an hour dealing with customer service and tracking down the flowers that were never delivered but a website that stated they were. I WANT, FOR JUST ONCE, TO NOT HAVE TO HANDLE EVERYTHING! Even my own damn flowers! I am totally whining here, but I wanted that moment, where the doorbell rings, and I open the door and there stands a delivery person with a beautiful bouquet, and I gasp, with my hand on chest and say, "For me?!?" and delivery person says, "Yes, Mrs T these are for you!" ------- FLUCKERS! FTD FLUCKED UP MY MOMENT! Truth be told, the flowers were delivered later this morning, and are just lovely and I am so grateful to my husband for this kind and sweet gesture. I am so blessed to have such an amazing hubbie. AND THATS WHAT I CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON!


AND MY THANKS TO.....
Pizza Hut. Thank you for supplying sustenance for my children. I appreciate that after clicking the "order" button, you arrived at my door within 10 minutes with your yummy cheesy goodness. I will take a whiff, basque in your aroma, and then eat my turkey meatballs and salad. Damn the Deployment Diet.